But it fits the mood, so I'm going to run with it.
I've been thinking lately. Well, maybe "thinking" is too strong a way to describe it. "Subconsciously ruminating until the feelings bubbled through to my conscious thought process" might be a better way to put it. However you package it, the end result is this realization:
Nothing seems fun anymore.
It just seems that the deluge of over-saturation provided by the internet and the massive beast that is entertainment media has washed out the feelings of joy and/or excitement that I used to get from the things I love, be it gaming or genre media. There's just so much stuff out there, it no longer feels special like it once did. I don't get excited anymore at the prospect of something new coming along in the pastimes I once loved. Worse, I often approach gaming sessions with what could better be described as anxiety or dread than anticipation.
Maybe it's just my old age. I've just recently passed the 45-year mark, and I know I'm not the wide-eyed kid I was once, no matter how hard I try to keep that inner child alive. It seems like it's my destiny to become a jaded cynic, and it would just be easier to give up than to keep fighting it.
Maybe it's life in general. Things have been pretty stressful these last few years. I feel like I've been struggling just to keep my head (and my family's heads) above water, enduring seemingly endless worry over bills, concerns about everyone's physical and mental health, turbulence in the workplace, and what feels like incessant waves of people who - regardless of my own calm and relatively harmless nature - keep trying to make my life miserable, whether intentionally or otherwise.
Maybe it's my inability to find friends. I've been struggling for quite some time to find new blood to re-energize my (and my fiancee's) social life. But man, it seems like most of my effort to that end has resulted in nothing but a disappointing waste of time and energy. In my experience, around here it's next to impossible to find people whose hobbies and interests are anything like ours. I can't believe that we're surrounded by so many people that are mind-numbingly mundane. On the very rare occasion that we have found new potential friends, they've generally turned out to be some combination of: controlling, antisocial, mean, rude, persistently negative, socially retarded, divisive, intolerant, self-absorbed, and/or judgmental.
(I know the preceding is hard to believe, and that by saying what I've just said I come across as some sort of elitist jackass. Surely, you may think, you're the one who's broken in this scenario. But take, for example, my place of work - a microcosm of my larger world: I've been working for just shy of 10 years at the same job, and I have made no friends from among my coworkers. Even the IT people, with whom I should logically have at least something in common, have been among the most mundane, uninteresting (and uninterested) people I've ever met. That stereotype of the IT guy/girl being a geek, enthusiastically interested in geek-stuff? Yeah, right. I have a lava lamp on my desk and I drive a New Beetle; these two items alone make me a subject of interest among the people where I work. How sad/scary is that? I'm afraid to even mention that I game - they might put me under glass and charge admission for others to look at me.)
So, yeah, maybe it's not that nothing's special anymore. Maybe it is just me/my life (dis)coloring my perspective. Or maybe it's some combination of the two...
Maybe, to misquote another movie:
"My life needs an enema!"
(It may not matter, because - according to some folks I know - the test of the Emergency Broadcast System that's scheduled to occur in 15 minutes is part of an Obama-led leftist agenda that will result in the US being exposed to attack by Islamic terrorists and the Chinese. I kid you not - these are the sort of people that congregate in my life...)
. . . . .